Find Yourself In Love: Yuri! On Ice: Viktuuri
by MyLifeAsAPassionateDoughnut
Summary: When Yuuri decides it's for the best that him and his partner split, Viktor is left in pieces. Separately, the two must find themselves and embark on a journey that can lead them back together. (Ships are Viktuuri, OtaYuri, PhichitxChris)


Chapter One

"You're-what?" I stopped in my tracks, barely aware of the words being thrown at me. He stood toe to toe with me, his hair out of his face, his lips tucked into a harsh line. Looking at him, the world suddenly seemed like a fishbowl, and nowhere in the world was there a place for me to hide.

"I want to break up, Viktor." He looked at me with a cold look in his eyes, one I had never seen before, as if he were trying to protect himself from the emotions he held. Suddenly, I could feel my heart beat. There was not an ounce of doubt in his voice, a bit of anxiety in his stance. He was confident; to the outside world he would look like a genuine improvement of the person he was when I had first met him. To me, he seemed like a different person entirely.

"Yuuri, please." I felt tears welling up in my own eyes. I couldn't bring myself to say anything else; I didn't want to break down, I couldn't let anyone see me break down. The fishbowl had many spectators, all adorned in skates with their own struggles inside their heads. They could see me standing there to the side with him, and they knew something was wrong.

"I want to be best friends, Viktor. I want to keep you in my life. I just don't love you like I thought I did. I feel- disconnected from you." My knees started to buckle and the room started to swirl. The fishbowl became smaller, and smaller, and smaller. The music in the room seemed to die down, only being replaced with a ringing in my head. Yuuri's eyes remained cold, dark, like the nightmares I had in which he would wake me with a subtle smile and tell me everything would be okay. His beautiful brown eyes that hold so many shades of amber were now one strict color. He remained composed, as if he had been practicing this in his head for months.

"I-I need to go." I swallowed enough air, and ran into the back locker room of my rink in St. Petersburg. Yuuri hadn't moved in with me yet, but we were visiting, looking into different places that would hold enough space for the two of us, Maka, and Yurio if he needed to escape for the night. Things had been happy. We had both been stressed of course, but the one stable thing was my love for him, my sweet passionate love for him. This young boy held my heart with both hands; I gave him every bit of it, every last vessel.

He destroyed it.

I grabbed my things and left, leaving the keys to the car to Yuuri and anything he may need to make sure he's safe.

I ran.

I ran as fast as I could so the tears would stop falling, until every muscle in my body ached with pain. When I finally reached home, I collapsed on the floor and waited for Maka to come to me. She licked me for a few minutes until I got myself up.

This cannot be real. This has to be fake. How could this happen so quickly? I managed to get myself into bed and sit there trying to wrap my mind around what had occurred. Every time I thought about it, I felt another tear fall. After the tear fell, I would get angry with myself for crying. I would stop myself, then think about it again, and repeat the process. This occurred for hours until I received a call from Mila.

"Are you okay?" She asked in a calm voice.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I sneezed to make it out to be that I was sick "I just feel under the weather is all" She was quiet for a moment and I held my breath in partial hope that she would take that and drop the subject.

"You're a lying bastard, you know you'll talk to me. Spill." Her words were matter of fact, and she's right. I openly tell my friends everything, how is this different?

"It's different because Yuuri is their friend too" I thought. Even if I was the one who helped him acquire such people, they are all shared friends in the end. Still, I'm stating a fact. I'm not talking poorly, just saying what occurred.

"He broke it, Mila" My voice caught on "it" but I swallowed everything I could to keep myself together.

"What did he break, Viktor?" She sounded so empathetic. I don't think she had heard me talk like this in years.

"My heart. It hurts, my whole chest it just hurts." I felt myself break and the tears start to rush forward again.

"I know he did, love. He hurt you, but he does have a right to leave a relationship if that is what he wanted." She spoke slowly and softly, as if she were by my side right then.

"He called you, didn't he?" It would be out of character for Yuuri to speak to many people on what had just occurred, but nothing in this makes sense in the first place.

"Yes, he wanted to make sure you were okay. He still cares about you." I scoffed at that, feeling an ever slight twinge of anger in my stomach, like a spark amongst a rain storm.

"Yeah, I'm sure he does."

"Do you need me there?" She sounded like she was still at the rink. I could hear Yakov yelling in the background. The last thing I want is to disrupt her training.

"No, I'm going to be fine, I just need some time with Maka and probably take some sleeping pills the doctor gave me. Thank you, Mila." It wasn't a lie, I just didn't know what I needed. Time with Maka and some sleep sounded like a healthy option.

"Anytime, babe." We hung up after that, and I scooted to the bathroom to get my pills. I took two, the highest dosage I was allotted, and then fell asleep in the bed that still smelled like him from this morning. Thankfully, the drugs didn't let me think for too long.

I woke up hours later, it was only five in the evening when I took those pills. Now, the light of early morning started to shine through my blinds. Maka licked my face, looking desparate to go to the bathroom. I beckoned for her and we walked outside. She stayed close to me, knowing something must be wrong. I sat as she played in the falling rain and took a deep breath, my head still spinning. Opening my phone, I knew there would be people wondering where I was. It was unlike me to miss training, and for Yuuri to still be training even without me there to coach him. Sure enough, notifications popped up from Yakov, Mila, Georgi, and Chris alike. Not wanting to repeat the same message over again, I sent a group text to let them know I'm alive. They spattered replies all over the place, getting ready for another day of skating in their respective places. I ignored them.

I was getting ready to close my phone and head back inside when one other notification caught my eye, a text from Yuuri. I had sent him a message earlier, in my sleep pill daze, asking questions like "How could you do this? What did I do wrong? How long have you been feeling this-" In that blazed confusion, I probably sounded more angry than sad. His reply was just as angry if not more so, telling me to give him space, that he is confused also. He said he'll send my coaching fee to my home, and that he will be going home to Japan to train for a few weeks. He doesn't want me to contact him during that time. He says we will work things out in the future.

The twinge of anger grew more so inside of me now, my hands shaking.

How could he just retreat into his hiding hole with his loving family while I sit here alone, heart in pieces, wondering what the hell just happened? Mila's words that he cared for me, rang through my head like a spring of lies. I texted back something just along those lines, not letting my anger calm itself before doing so. I felt more tears stroll down my face and Maka licked them up with concern in her eyes. I walked her back upstairs and spewed across my bed. Knowing there would be no way to pass the time, I took more sleeping pills, and let nightmares take me again.

In my nightmares, I'm always alone.


End file.
